Is the Ladder You’re Climbing is Leaning Against the Right Wall?
I’m Not a Purpose Coach, But Here’s What I Did To Find Mine
The World Economic Forum refers to our current state as The Great Reset. An opportunity to move forward by leaving behind old identifiers like racism, general disregard for putting environmental strain on our planet, and from having such a far divide between the haves and the have-nots.
A reset. A do-over. A mulligan. For humanity. For humanity!
That means you (and me).
Reset or Recalibrate: Moving Forward with Intention
I coach a lot of accomplished leaders who, usually around 38–45, suddenly stop to almost peer over their shoulder to take in the path they’ve chosen. Up until now life’s been moving at breakneck speed, checking off in no particular order: college/university, dating life, blissful party days, paying dues, first jobs and real bills, a career trajectory, marriage, dogs, family, mortgage, 401Ks and now finally…a minute to catch a breath.
We take on lots of responsibilities, sometimes without questioning: it’s simply understood that is the path we’re to be taking.
Say it with me everyone, “Just because all of your friends jump off the Brooklyn Bridge…”
It’s crucial to question our path. If we don’t, we neglect to leverage the power of our knowledge and experience. Often, the people I coach don’t need a drastic shift, just a sense that they are living by choice, intentionally, purposefully.
Doing this at a meta-level: Use The Great Reset to do some big picture-type assessing: if you’ve always worked in a restaurant, have you always dreamed to open your own? Or, maybe you it’s writing about those hilarious hospitality experiences if that’s what’s calling you. However you can do your thing by leveraging what you know will set you up for a good roll of the dice.
And now Covid provides the when. Risk and reward may be at a new tipping point. When we can eliminate much of the fear and risk that people face upon stepping into change. For instance, the stable, secure job you’d be walking away from? Not so stable these days, and that applies more broadly than ever.
Figuring Out Your Next Move
In taking your do-over during The Great Reset, the odds of you not making it worse are resoundingly in your favor. With everything going on, no one is going to question if you sell everything to work remotely, travel in an RV, or decide tomorrow your moving your family away from winters (looking at you, New England and Chicago).
Step 1: Gain Clarity
Do not lose sight of your happy place: let people call you nuts, wonder how you could, and have them all thinking you’ve lost it. Don’t fret, eventually, they’ll think you’re a hero.
Trouble with clarity on the happy place?
There’s a reason psychologists or purpose coaches point you in the direction of what you loved as a kid, it’s a time before social conditioning, you loved what you loved. I loved, still love, being social: being around my friends, other humans, animals, whomever. I get energy from others, so giving energy to them comes full circle. It’s why coaching and helping people with their personal development works for me.
If the kid thing doesn’t resonate, think about what you love about your job right now. What are you doing when time flies, when you forget to eat, pee, everything because you are engrossed in that activity. Psychologists call this being in the state of “Flow” (A great book by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi if you’re curious on the subject; and if you haven’t read The Alchemist yet, I encourage you to do so).
Dive in deeper to see how you can be doing mostly the thing you love, what brings you to flow. This is what worked very well for me.
Step 2: Get Curious. Get Inspired!
Start exploring what excites you. What’s life like in the town you want to move to? Can you still get good pizza there? What are the benefits of being your own boss? Who’s doing your thing well and how are they doing it?
Sometimes when you make a change like this, this big of a transition, you feel behind the eight ball. The more you learn the more it feels like how much more there is to learn. It can get overwhelming. It’s ok, you’ll focus and get there. Accept that there is a discovery phase for you to explore.
Lately, for inspiration, I’ve been listening to a lot of Alan Watts as I do my own reflecting.
Step 3: Resist Comparing Yourself to Others
Guilty. Guilty. Guilty. This is going to be a challenge, especially at the beginning. It’s going to be real easy to look at someone else further down the path and feel defeated because of where you are compared to where they are. You’ll be mad at yourself for not acting sooner (funny how we hit this phase of annoyance right after it took moving heaven and earth for us to take the leap).
Fact is, you needed the experiences you’ve had to get you where you are, to place you, to fire you up. You didn’t have the knowledge you do now before: you are exactly where you need to be.
Step 4: Get Help. This is Going To Be Hard.
The good news? It’s going to be hard either way. Let’s play this out. If you stay, with the maybe-secure job or kind-of-sound financial future, that is going to be really hard. You are not meant to be stagnant, to stand still. It’s not natural, it’s exhausting to stay.
Deciding to go for your dream is by far, one of the most exciting, adrenaline-fueling, pound on your chest get outta my way feelings you will ever have. The day you commit, by golly, it’s simply thrilling.
Then, it gets hard. Real hard. For a million reasons that are at least there to help you become the person you need to be. Knowing that makes it all even better than tolerable because that journey is the fun.
Here’s an overview of an exercise I do to help people overcome the inertia we encounter when things get scary:
Picture yourself on your couch, all cozied up, wine in hand, some popcorn too, both needed as you get ready to watch a movie. The movie star is you. We paint the scene as you visualize the character enacting your current life, encountering the inevitable obstacle.
I then ask the coachee to tell me what they wish the character would do. You know what happens? The response is unfiltered and spoken from the heart (because we’re caught up just enough in the movie), with the courage of a lion, and the will to take on the world.
Whether it’s a coach, a book, or conversations with folks, support will be paramount to this adventure.
Your Other Best Day
I only recently have come to understood Mark Twain’s quote: “The two most important days are the day you’re born and the day you know why” (links to a great article in Inc. Magazine). I used to scoff at this. Now, I humbly smile. Truth be told, I do feel a bit like I’m part of an insider’s club. I no longer feel like I’m tumble-weeding through life.
But I wouldn’t have ever felt this way if I didn’t stop three years ago, at 42, reflect, listen, question, and scream, “I’m taking my do-over!”
Originally published at https://www.karyndanielle.com on July 30, 2020.
